


Devil On Your Back

by xxignoredxx



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Heartbreak, M/M, Slow Burn, im just porting my old stuff from ffnet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 11:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6193576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxignoredxx/pseuds/xxignoredxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-"In which the past hurts too much to leave behind." HighSchool years, EddwardXEd, onesided!EddwardXEddy. (COMPLETE Jan.2013)</p><p>{}{}</p><p>I finished this story 3 years ago, just porting it to ao3 since i prefer this platform.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic a long ass time ago, and even though it's one of my favourites i've written, i know it's crap compared to what i could write today. i could totally re-do it, but i just don't have the time. porting it from ff.net cause that site is shit and i'd rather have all my stuff in one place.

**A/N:** This is something that I just had to write. Some things happened recently, and I just used it to fuel this. Please don't ask me what happened, 'cause I really don't want to talk about it. This story is intended to help me get over it, cause really, why should it bother me in the first place?

I haven't written anything really angsty for a while, so sorry if it seems really over-dramatic. I hope you all enjoy it and thank you for taking your time to read it (:

 **EDIT:** I had to change a couple of things about this chapter for future things to sort of make sense. Don't worry, I just added in a paragraph (:

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy, Adele or SomeoneLikeYou. Adele has way too pretty of a voice for anyone to own.

 **Summary:** _In Which_ the past hurts too much to leave behind.

_~Regrets and Mistakes, They're Memories Made~_

**[][][][]**

Snow fell so softly that it looked like cotton on the pavement. I rested my fingertips on the cold glass of the window, watching with unseeing eyes as the snow fell slowly. My legs were stiff from having them crossed Indian-style for so long, but the thought of moving seemed so unpleasant to me.

My house was cold and silent, but when was it not? The light reflecting off the snow gave the living room an eerie, blue glow that, depressingly, fit my current mood.

I rest my forehead on the cool window. Oh, how I missed simple childhood where love and depression were 'adult things' and only 'adults' had to deal with. Kids don't stab each other in the hearts; Kids don't love each other like 'adults' do.

My front door suddenly burst open, but the sound didn't really surprise me. Many broken front doors from my childhood taught me to be unafraid of it suddenly opening.

"Double Dee!" I head Ed exclaim. I could see him in the reflection of the window, standing behind me with a big grin on his face. "Have you seen the snow outside?"

I sighed, slowly unfolding my stiff legs and turning around to face Ed. "Yes, I saw it Ed. I was just admiring it from my window."

In our short, yet long, four years since the Big Scam, Ed hadn't really changed much. His hair was still bright red, shaggy with side bangs though. He was still tall and lanky, clumsy and goofy as ever. Ed's green jacket from our youth was replaced with a vintage military jacket that I'm pretty sure had seen the Vietnam War. His kind heart had only grown bigger; once I had caught Ed trying to nurse a sick kitten back to health, bless his heart. My goofy friend was still poor at school, but he did try his best.

"But, Double Dee," Ed said with a confused smile on his face, pulling me from my musings. "How can you enjoy the snow from your window?"

I laughed softly, as if it pained me a little. "You know I don't like the cold, Ed. Why don't you play with Eddy?" Saying his name pained me more than the laugh.

Ed's lips turned into a pout as he crossed his arms over his chest. "He's inside drinking coca with Naz, Double Dee!"

I cringed at her name. It wasn't as if she was a terrible person – oh no, she had actually gotten nicer since our childhood. Naz was tall, kind, pretty and smart. A typical high-school girl. Who just so happened to be dating my dear friend, Eddy, who was so hopelessly in love with the girl.

I hate her.

"But, Ed," I sighed, grabbing the edge of my dear, old beanie. Out of the three of us, I had probably changed the most and the least at the same time. I still wore my black beanie, but stopped the nonsense with shoving all my hair into it, letting my blonde bangs stick out at odd, prickly angles. Red was still my colour choice for shirts, but I wore black or blue cardigans over it during the cold seasons. While my appearance hadn't changed much, my inner-self had. I did my best to not talk to the other teenagers at school, only speaking when spoken to. Ed and Eddy were the only ones who usually heard me say more than two words, usually Ed. I was quieter, trapped in my thoughts of 'what-could-have-been' and 'I-should-have-done'. The mind can be a very sticky web.

"Oh, c'mon, Double Dee!" Ed exclaimed, grabbing my hand and dragging me from my perch by the window. "We only have a few days left of Winter Break; we need to have fun!"

Reluctantly, I followed my red head friend as he dragged me upstairs to my bedroom. I sighed with relief as I looked down at Ed's socked feet, glad he had remembered to take off his shoes. Some things really don't change.

In my room, Ed practically forced three different sweaters on me ("If you layer, Double Dee, the cold won't hurt as much!" "T-that's very kind of you, Ed."). Finally managing to get a pair of pants over my pajama pants and shoving my feet into the fluffiest, thickest socks I own, I was barely able to get my feet into my snow boots. Wrapping a scarf around my neck, I glanced in the mirror hanging over my dresser and almost laughed. Almost.

The sweaters Ed had tried to put on me looked ridiculous. The colours clashed horridly (first purple, then green, then orange) with the largest sweater as the first layer, causing it to bunch up in odd places. With the two smaller sweaters on top of the large one, it looked like I had gained 5 pounds. My appearance was laughable, but I couldn't bring myself to even chuckle.

I shoved my beanie over my blonde hair and a pair of gloves were tightly on my hands. I turned to Ed, who was sitting on my bed, and forced a smile. "So, ready to go in the snow?"

Ed stood up quickly and nodded his head in an almost comical way. "Of course, Double Dee!"

I smiled, faintly. Not even the loveable antics of my closest friend could cheer me up.

**[][][][]**

"C'mon, Double Dee! That's not how you build a snowman!"

I sighed, already exhausted of being in the snow. At first, Ed wanted to make snow angels, but my refusal to lay in the freezing water crystals disheartened him, so I agreed to help him make a snowman. My plan was to just kind of kneel there and pretend to pack down snow so that Ed could ramble about whatever made him smile that day, but he seemed to notice that I wasn't really putting much effort into the snowman.

"Okay, okay, I'll go find pieces for his face while you finish the head, alright?" I stood up slowly from my perch, the rush of blood to my legs stinging a little. Ed seemed to agree with my plan, so he nodded and smiled, his cheeks red from the cold. I rolled my eyes, laughing slightly.

"Ed, you really should dress warmer for playing in the snow," I said. Ed looked down at himself. He was wearing his ever-present military jacket with a thick sweater underneath, but that was pretty much it for warm clothes. His hands donned old, fingerless gloves that I'm almost positive he's had since Middle School. A pair of old, worn out jeans were Ed's only leg protection from the cold, and his feet had his favourite red Vans that were coming apart at the heel. Ed looked back up at me, a sheepish smile present on his lips.

"Sorry Double Dee, I was just so excited to play in the snow with you!"

I sighed for what felt like the tenth time that day and rubbed my forehead. "Alright Ed, just don't die from hypothermia, okay?"

I quickly took off my black beanie, bending down and gently placing it over Ed's red hair. Ed's smile disappeared for a moment, surprise and something else I couldn't place were evident in his eyes. For a moment we just scared at each other, the snow falling quietly around us, my head feeling extremely naked, cold and vulnerable.

Then, Ed smiled, his cheeks bright red from the cold, or gratitude, I'm not sure. I smiled back brushing a loose strand of blonde hair behind my ear. "Alright Ed, stay warm and I'll be back." Ed nodded vigorously.

I turned away from Ed, looking around my front yard for rock and sticks and such. Poking around in the garden under my living room window gave me more than enough. Turning back towards Ed, I couldn't help but giggle a little.

Our snowman was small, almost like a really young child. Ed looked so proud of his creation though, I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that it was way too small. The biggest smile was on Ed's face, my beanie pulled low to almost cover his eyebrows. His cheeks were bright red by now, his hands shoved into his pockets. Ed must have been freezing.

"Here," I said, approaching Ed, kneeling back down next to him. I handed him some of the rocks and twigs I had found. Care to help me build his face?"

Ed nodded again. All of this head nodding was starting to make me dizzy.

Building the snowman's face was relativity easy, so we finished quickly. Ed gave our snowman a smile that would have gone ear to ear, if snowmen had ears. I gave the snowman eyes, a nose and some eyebrows with the twigs I found. We both stood up, rubbing snow off our gloved hands, finally finished.

"Oh! Double Dee!" Ed exclaimed, suddenly in front of me. I squeaked a little, slightly surprised at how quickly he moved. "You know what this man-of-snow needs?"

I shook my head. "I haven't the faintest clue, Ed."

Ed smiled. I swear, if he smiles any more, his face will break. "He needs a hat, Double Dee!"

Before I could protest, Ed gently removed my black beanie from his own head, placing it carefully on our snowman. Ed turned back to me, giving me a thumbs-up at his handiwork.

I forced myself to smile. "He looks dashing, Ed."

Ed laughed. "So, what do you want to -"

"Hey, guys!"

We both turned around to see Eddy walking down the sidewalk. The blood in my heart seemed to freeze as I realized that Naz was with him. Ed smiled.

"Hiya there, Eddy! Naz!" Ed ran over to Eddy and gave him a bone-crushing hug. Naz waved smiling at me, and it took everything in my soul just to wave back. I didn't have it in me to muster up a smile though, no matter how fake it would be.

"What'cha doin', Eddy?" Ed asked as he pulled away from Eddy. "I thought you were having coca with Naz?"

Eddy laughed, patting Ed on the back. "We did, but Naz thinks the snow is really pretty, so we're walking downtown. Kinda like a date," Eddy replied, nudging Ed in the stomach with his elbow. I felt like vomiting.

"Dude, I like your hair," Naz said, pointing at my loose, blonde locks.

"Oh, thank you Naz." I said coolly. Naz smiled again at me, but all I could come up with was a half-concealed glare.

"So," Eddy interjected. "What are you two up to right now?"

"Ah, well, Eddy – Naz," I stammered, interrupting Ed before this conversation went on longer then I wanted it to, awkwardly trying to shove my gloved hands into my pants pockets. "I hope you have a..splendid date. Be safe in the snow, Eddy. Salutations, Naz."

Quickly, I turned away from them, too sick to even look at the three of them. I started to walk as fast as I could to my front door, snatching my hat off the snowman, my cheeks burning with silent hate and regret.

Just before I reached my front steps, I slipped on the snow, falling of my butt. All I could hear was the rush of embarrassment in my ears, not even paying attention if Eddy was laughing at me or not. I tried to get up as quick as I could, knowing my cheeks were bright red by now. Brushing snow off my butt, I shoved my hat back on my head and quickly headed inside my house, my chest tight with pure embarrassment and shame.

Naz: 1. Eddward: 0.

**[][][][]**

Oh my god, I'm not even sure what to think of this. Please review and let me know if it's good or not, cause I'm not sure if I'm totally happy with it.

Also, something I didn't mention in my other EEnE story, when Ed says "Double Dee", I always add the extra e's cause that's just how I picture him saying it. Other characters will probably just say "Double D" or "Dee". Just thought I should clear that up D:

Anyway, thank you for reading and please review! :3

**with love, ~xxignoredxx**


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ported from ff.net, just getting all my eggs in one place

**A/N:** So, there's a few things I want to clear up. **PLEASE RED, THIS IS IMPORTANT!**

First: It seems that everyone always makes Eddy a terrible person in the fanfiction world. I honestly have no idea why people do this; he's not a terrible guy. Where in the series is he horrible? Sure, he may use Ed and Double D for his scams, but I feel that in Big Picture Show, the creators of EEnE made him _human_. All he wanted was to be like his older brother, who was a jerk, which in turn made Eddy a jerk. And it certainly didn't help that Kevin was a douche to him all the time, so lay off Eddy. In my fanfictions, he's a good guy. Deal with it.

Second: Along with the misconception of Eddy, people always make Ed a huge retard. Again, he's not the brightest character on EEnE, but looking back on the first episodes, I think that the creators intended for Ed to be the weird kid, hence his obsession with gravy and chickens. He's just weird and a little slower than Double D and Eddy, but not retarded.

Third: I did some of my own, bullshit math. The Ed's were in their first summer after starting Middle School in Big Picture Show (6th grade), so about 4 years after that would have them be in 10th grade for this story.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy, nor do I own Leona Lewis, BleedingLove, Beyonce, IfIWereABoy or WhyDon'tYouLoveMe?

_~My Heart's Crippled By The Pain~_

**[][][][]**

My front door was closed quickly, the deadbolt securely turned to the left, locking me in. I leaned against the cool metal of the door, one hand clutching my chest.

This isn't how I envisioned my high-school years.

It had started quietly and ended just as quiet. Small things, like touches on the shoulder or the colour his eyes were when he woke up, had begun to scratch at my heart. It's not like there was one special thing he did to cause me to fall in love with him; it was everything he did.

And now? Now that I had fallen in love and had my heart smashed to bits in silence, there was nothing I could do about it. It pained me to even think about him, let alone see him with his _perfect_ girlfriend, who, of course, was kind and smart and funny and _amazing_ in every way possible.

I can't even hate Naz properly.

Slumping even closer to the floor, I buried my face into my hand. The idea of crying crossed my mind, but I'm pretty sure it's past that point. I shed all of my tears long ago, back when I truly thought a good cry was all I needed to get over Eddy. Oh, how incredibly wrong I was.

I rubbed my face vigorously. _Alright Eddward, make yourself some tea and everything will be just dandy._

Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself away from my cold door, slipping my feet out of the soaking wet snow-boots before heading to my dark kitchen. But, once I actually got in front of the stove, staring at my goldfish-shaped coffee pot, I just couldn't bring myself to even make a simple cup of tea. I let out a shaky sigh, clutching my chest again. Why won't the pain just go away?

Tea just wasn't going to happen at the moment. Halfheartedly, I pushed away from the stove, stumbling into one of the chairs at my kitchen table. I slumped forward, resting my forehead on the cold wood, crossing my arms over my head, the impulse to try and push my head into the wood almost overwhelming me.

Before I could even stop it, before I could even think of how to control it, the dam that had been holding back all my feelings for Eddy and Naz and the sting of unrequited love broke open. Long, painful sobs tore my heart to pieces and the tears of a lost love flowed freely, dancing their evil way down my cold cheeks, making awkward puddles between my nose and the table.

Now that the dam had been broken, there was no possibility of repair.

The shrill chime of my doorbell startled me, but didn't stop the tears. I sat up, looking in the general direction of my front door, loosely hoping that the person would either go away, or be Eddy.

After a moment of forcing my body to be still, the doorbell rang again. The small, OCD child in the center of my soul cried out, yelling _Eddward! If you do not open that door for your impatient guest, they will think you're rude! OPEN THE DOOR NOW!_

I stood up quickly, almost knocking the chair over. The third chime rang as I reached the hallway, followed by a couple of quick knocks.

 _God, I don't ask you for much anymore, but please,_ please _, let it be Eddy._

I unlocked the deadbolt with shaky hands, ripping the door open as fast as I could. A gust of cold air hit me hard, but the possibility of seeing Eddy made me take no notice.

"Double Dee?"

Ed was standing there, one of his hands raised up in a loose fist, as if he was going to knock again before I opened the door. His shoulders were slumped, the chill of the winter air making his cheeks bright red. Though Ed looked surprised, his eyebrows were raised up in worry. That's what I love about Ed – he wears his emotions on his dirty jacket's sleeve.

"Double Dee?" Ed lowered his hand slightly, his eyebrows crinkling slightly as his eyes scanned my face. "Why are your eyes crying?"

I stepped away from the door, silently inviting my kind friend inside. Ed shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, cautiously stepping inside. I forced the door shut behind him, turning the deadbolt to the left again. I made my way past Ed, walking quickly to the living room. "What are you talking about, Ed? I haven't been crying."

Ed removed his shoes, clumsily following me. "But, Double Dee, your eyes are red."

I sat down in my spot in front of the window, my legs crossing in almost a habitual way. "They're just red from the cold."

I could see Ed standing behind me in the reflection of the window. His eyebrows were creased, his mouth turned down in a slight frown, hands still shoved roughly into his pockets. It's not like I _enjoyed_ lying to Ed, it's just that telling the truth was far too complicated and painful for such a kind soul.

To my relief, Eddy and Naz were no longer standing in my front yard. Watching them be all lovey-dovey made my chest ache like nothing else.

"But..Double Dee," Ed started again. I sighed, rubbing my eyes with my hands. "They weren't red in the snow." I heard Ed sigh and could imagine him running his hands through his messy, red hair.

"They're just cold, Ed." I said a little more firmly. I could feel the urge to cry again building in my throat and all I wanted was for Ed to just believe me and go away.

"Dee.." The tone of Ed's voice made my heart squeeze and a few stray tears fall from my eyes. I rested my head on the windowsill, the strength to even hold by head up gone. I did my best to keep my breathing even and normal, but trying to stifle my sobs made my shoulders shake and my throat burn.

"G-go home, Ed." I managed to choke out, a sob nearly escaping.

"But, Dee – "

"Go home Ed!" I snapped.

Cold, wet arms wrapped around my middle, holding me tight. Ed buried his face into the crook of my neck, firmly holding me in place. I let out another, strangled sob, half-heartily trying to squirm my way out of Ed's strong arms, but he only held me tighter, closer to his wet jacket. I buried my face harder into the windowsill.

"Ed, p-please let me go!" I managed to say through another broken sob, but Ed just held me tighter, practically having me sit in his lap. I started to cry harder, if that was even possible, but Ed just held me quietly, burring his face deeper into my neck.

I hated crying, even when I was alone. Crying makes your head hurt, your throat close up and makes you hate the world more than you already do. Crying in front of another human being, however, makes you feel stupid and dramatic, snotty and gross all at the same time. No one is pretty when they cry hard, and I know for a fact I'm no beauty queen, even when the tears aren't flowing.

I couldn't stop the thick, over-due sobs from coming. My whole body shook, and I could already feel a headache pressing behind my eyes. Snot was dripping from my nose, but I could probably blame that on Ed's wet, cold jacket, which was still pressed up against my back.

Eventually, the sobs turned into tears, then to painful hiccups, which then turned into a stomach ache. I raised my head a little, gazing out the window at the snow that was still softly falling. The snowman Ed and I had built was still in my yard, but it looked naked without a hat or scarf on it. I rested my cheek on the windowsill, bringing my hand up to Ed's hands that were clutching my shirt tightly.

"Do you think he loves her?"

I saw Ed move his head in the reflection. He was staring at me with clear eyes.

"..Yeah, I think he does." Ed replied in a soft whisper, as if those words hurt for him to say, just like they hurt for me to hear.

I felt like crying all over again, but instead I gripped Ed's hand tighter. I swallowed hard, my throat dry.

"Good...good."

**[][]** _~I Swear I'd Be A Better Man~_ **[][]**

Eventually, when the sky started to turn to a dark blue, Ed managed to get me to stand up and half-carried, half-dragged me to my bedroom upstairs. My friend laid me on my bed, whispering a quick "Be right back, Double Dee," and ran back downstairs. I heard him dial the phone in my kitchen, speaking just loud enough for me to hear.

"Mom? Yeah, it's me...Is it alright if I stay at Double Dee's for the night? ...Yeah...yeah, he's just...okay, thank you, dearest mother."

I heard the beep of the phone being hung up and I felt like crying all over again. The desire to crawl under my blankets and cry some more was strong, but it was like all the strength in my entire body and soul had left me for good.

The loud, clumsy stomps of Ed climbing my stairs echoed behind my headache. I closed my eyes against the bright light of my bedroom, wanting nothing more than to sleep.

"Double Dee?" I heard Ed say softly. I opened my eyes a little, staring at Ed's concerned face. "My dearest-mother said I could sleep over. Does your tummy want any food?"

Food? I shook my head, declining my kind friend's offer. The thought of carbohydrates and sugar made my stomach tumble, the urge to vomit grazing the back of my throat. How could someone even think about eating after their heart is torn right out of their chest and thrown in the garbage like a broken Barbie? I closed my eyes again, hoping Ed would let me sleep.

"Ed?" I asked quietly. My voice was harsh and painful sounding, even to my own ears.

"Yes, Double Dee?" Ed replied earnestly. I could just imagine him standing by my doorway, fiddling with his fingers like he does when he's nervous or worried.

"Could you turn my light off, please?" I rolled over on my side to face my wall, bringing my knees almost to my chest. Even this minimal movement seemed to take more effort that it really should have.

The soft 'click' of my light switch flicking down was Ed's response. My room was quiet and dark, the only sound was Ed's awkward shuffling. I could almost hear the question Ed was trying to find the courage to ask me, so I said in my small, weak voice, "Would you like to lay down here with me, Ed?"

The spot on my mattress right behind my butt sunk down with the weight of Ed. A shaky hand rested on my right shoulder blade. Hesitantly, Ed began to rub my back gently, the exact same way I did after the three of us saw Eddy's brother. Ed, being the big softy he is, had cried once we got home from relief and the acceptance we all had longed for so long.

Slow, careful circles traced my back and I could practically feel the self-induced pressure leave my muscles. I sighed, digging my head deep into my pillow, emotional exhaustion finally catching up with me.

I rolled over slightly, barely making out Ed's face from the darkness of my bedroom. His eyebrows were skewed up in worry, just like they have been for the past couple of hours or so. My loveable friend's hand stopped moving, his whole body seemed to be frozen under my gaze. I rolled over to completely face Ed; his hand drew back.

"Thank you, Ed," I whispered softly, reaching over and grabbing his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You really don't have to spend the night if it's too much trouble..."

Ed shook his head vigorously. "No, I don't mind, Double Dee! I'm here when you need." Ed smiled, but a hint of concern was still evident in his eyes.

I smiled back at him, though it was forced. "Well, thank you anyway, Ed," I squeezed his hand again, closing my eyes. "I'm very tired, Ed. Shall we try to get some sleep?"

The mattress sunk again as Ed laid next to me, still holding my hand. It's amazing how much comfort I felt, just from holding my best friend's hand. Ed, with his free arm, managed to pull a blanket over us. He reached over and took off my hat, placing it on the bedside table. When we were younger, I used to sleep with my hat on all the time if he or Eddy were sleeping near me, but as I grew out of my awkward, hat stage, I slept with it on less and less after I realized that it made my hair greasy. It impressed me that Ed remembered me saying something trivial like that.

We both settled into the warm blanket, the weight of today suddenly catching up with both of us and exhaustion hit.

Ed was still holding my hand as I fell asleep.

**[][]** _~I Make Me So Damn Easy To Love~_ **[][]**

The next couple of weeks were slow and fast all at the same time. Ed was at my house every day, all day, before school started up again, and present at my home after school too, usually trying his best to do his homework or watch movies in my living room while I did my own homework. We saw Eddy in classes and at lunch, but his free-time was heavily devoted to Naz. Slowly, surprisingly and silently, the pain of my heartache for Eddy eased bit by bit; saying a simple 'hello' to him didn't burn as cruelly like it once did.

Sometimes, without warning, all of the pain would come flooding back, causing me to cry like I had with Ed that one snowy day. But my big, lumpy, sweet, red-haired friend of mine would always be there to pat my back and whisper "There there, Double Dee."

Ed was _always_ there for me. His mother wouldn't let him spend the night at my house on school nights, but he always made sure to come by my house in the morning so that we could walk to school together. Then he would be there after school, and on the weekends. Ed always tried to find new ways to make me smile since "You don't smile very much anymore, Double Dee."

I sighed, unable to concentrate on my Statistics homework anymore. Shoving my bangs into my hat, I glanced over at Ed, who was laying on his stomach on my bed, chin propped up by his hands, eyes glued to the tiny TV I had on my dresser at the foot of my bed. I smiled softly, enjoying the sight of my best friend being at ease.

A commercial interrupted the cartoon Ed was watching. He sat up and stretched like a cat, turning to me and smiling. "Are you getting hungry, Double Dee?"

I nodded, standing up from my desk and stretching in a similar way to Ed. "I think I have some macaroni in the pantry downstairs."

When Ed had started spending more time with me, he always insisted on making dinner for the two of us. Of course, being the host, I strongly opposed the idea, but Ed looked so determined my protests had died on my tongue. I always tried to help him, though. The OCD child in me couldn't let Ed do everything himself.

We reached the kitchen and Ed started to boil water in a medium pot. I retrieved all the ingredients – Kraft Mac and Cheese (from the box), milk and butter – and set them on the counter next to Ed. The water came to a boil and Ed poured the noodles into the hot water, stirring the contest with a plastic cooking spoon. As Ed was stirring the noodles, he started to dance slightly, moving his hips and shoulders to a beat only he could hear, mumbling lyrics under his breath with a huge grin on his face.

I smiled, trying to hold back a laugh as Ed started to dance with more enthusiasm, his singing getting a little louder.

"... _I stutter once, I stutter twice, At your reflection, Every time it talks to me, I can't help but feel that secretly that I want your love, So bad.."_

It was a song I had never heard before, but the way Ed softly sang it made it my favourite immediately. His soft, slightly rough voice made me smile like a fool, wishing that I knew the lyrics so that I could join in. Curse my limited music knowledge.

" _I wish I may, I wish I might, Be in your dream tonight.."_

I stole a glance at Ed. He looked so happy dancing and stirring the boiling noodles, I just couldn't help but smile. My dancing friend looked up at me when the song finished, grinning ear to ear, his cheeks red from embarrassment or happiness, I'm not quite sure.

Ed turned off the hot burner, bringing the pot to the sink across the kitchen to drain the water. His hips were still dancing to the music in his head. I stifled a giggle as Ed started to tap his foot. The sight was just so perfect, I wanted to live it forever.

Standing there, in my kitchen on a cloudy January day, with my best friend Ed making us macaroni, I felt my heart clench.

_This feels so much better than it ever did with Eddy._

My spirits dropped with that thought. Even though everything with Eddy was confusing and heart-breaking, it never occurred to me that getting over him might actually happen someday. I had been in love with him for so long that I didn't think he could ever leave my heart.

The smile was gone from my face, my heart fluttering in confusion. I leaned against the counter and rubbed my forehead, emotions I couldn't even define bouncing around in my brain, each fighting to be the main focus. The sting of heartburn scratched at the back of my throat, my hands shaking against the skin on my face. I focused on a spot on the floor, fighting the urge to go hide under my blankets.

I barely heard Ed turn from the sink, nearly throwing the pot of now drying noodles on the counter. I saw his feet in front of me and felt his hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently.

"Double Dee?" Ed asked in his concerned tone. "Are you alright?"

I slowly brought my eyes up to Ed's. That worried look in his eyes shouldn't be there as often as it is; it ruins the deep green colour I have gotten so used to. I nodded, breathing deeply in and exhaling slowly.

"Yes Ed," I replied in a small, steady voice. "I think I'll be alright."

**[][][][]**

OH HOLY SHIT, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS D:

Okay, so I just really want to thank everyone who has taken their time to read this. I really didn't think I would get many reviews on the first chapter, let alone 6. So thank you all, it really means a lot to me.

The song Ed was singing was "Twinkle, Twinkle" by Uni And Her Ukelele. Listen to it, it's an amazing song. I also realized how much I love Beyonce.

The third chapter will be out by Valentine's Day, hopefully, so be on the lookout for that!

Thank you again everyone, and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter of DOYB! (:

**with love, xxignoredxx**


	3. iii

**A/N:** Okay, this took me way longer to do than I thought it would, but I hope you guys aren't too mad at me. It took me a while to figure out exactly how I wanted to end this, but I finally decided to do this in two parts. It just seemed wrong to put all this in one chapter, so I hope this is okay for you guys. it just means that you get to watch for another chapter and an epilogue after that (:

I really hope I didn't rush this though, cause this honestly is my favourite story I have ever written. Please let me know if I should re-write this chapter if it seems too rushed (:

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Edd, Ed 'n' Eddy, Florence And The Machine or OnlyIfForANight.

 **ALSO:** Anything _italicized_ is a dream. And, in real life, dreams don't make that much sense, so don't take the dream too literally.

_~It Was All So Strange, And So Surreal~_

**[][][][]**

_It looked like my room, except it wasn't. My dream-brain told my dream-self that this large, dark area was my bedroom, but the rational side of it knew it was a dungeon._

_I looked around, trying to figure out where a lamp or window could be. I never liked the dark; it reminded me of those cold nights alone, while my parents worked late in the_ _city. There was a long, even darker hallway to my right. The dark and cold almost seemed to reach out to me, causing my back to tingle in uncertainty._

_There seemed to be no other way out of my dream-bedroom, so my feet carried the rest of my body towards the hallway. My rational brain warned me_ No, don't go there, Eddward. You got a bad feeling about this, _but my feet had a mind of their own._

_The hallway was long and seemed to go on forever, yet it ended quickly and abruptly. The room the hallway led into was dark, but not as gloomy as my dream-bedroom. This new room was round and circular, sort of like a dome, with a purple couch in the centre. Whatever was lighting the room was out of sight, but I took no notice._

_I slowly walked over to the couch, suddenly feeling very sore and tired from all the walking I did. I practically collapsed onto the soft, satin pillows. My eyes drifted shut, suddenly much too heavy to keep open for another moment._

" _Hey there, Double D."_

_Startled, I nearly jumped from the couch, my eyes opening wide in fear. My head jerked to the left toward the source of the sudden voice._

" _Oh, hello Eddy," I replied with unusual calmness. I turned my upper body toward Eddy, resting my left arm on the back of the sofa. "What, may I ask, are you doing here, Eddy?"_

_Eddy shrugged. My shorter friend turned toward me, mirroring my position. "I wanted to spend time with you, D."_

_I shivered slightly at the nickname Eddy had given me our freshman year of high school. Confused, I asked, "What about Naz?"_

" _Who?"_

_My rational side wanted to give Eddy a curious look, but my dream-self just shrugged. It seemed like we were sitting there for a long time, with my eyes staring straight forward at the brown wall, and Eddy nearly burning holes into my left cheek._

" _Eddy, may I ask why you're staring at me?" My dream-self sure seemed to have the confidence of a lion. I licked my gap habitually._

" _Because I like your face, D."_

_I turned my head to look at Eddy in such a calm way that my rational brain was a bit shocked. My short-friend's face was suddenly so close to my own that the real, nervous me would have stuttered and blushed and made a fool of myself. However, this new, dream-confidant Eddward just stared back into Eddy's wide eyes with mild interest._

" _You like me." It was less of a question than a statement._

_Eddy nodded, bringing his big, round, hazel eyes even closer. My rational brain was now sputtering and dying, because really, would something this lucky actually happen in real life?_

" _D," Eddy said softly, licking his lips slowly. He brought a hand up to my face, cupping my right cheek gently. His hands were ice cold. "May I kiss you?"_

_My rational brain gave its last, choking breath and finally died from shock. I nodded calmly, letting Eddy kiss me gently on my lips. My dream-self kissed him back softly, running a hand through his short, black hair._

_My dear Eddy pushed me slowly to the couch, my head laying at an awkward angle on the armrest. He was over me, kissing and biting my lips with such fervor that my rational brain came back to life. He encircled his arms around me, bringing his hands up my shirt and dragging his nails lightly across my skin. I moaned._

_Eddy began to kiss me harder, more demanding. I really wouldn't have minded if he also hadn't started to dig his nails almost painfully into my shoulder blades and bit my lip so hard I'm sure it was bleeding by now._

_I ripped my lips away from Eddy, but he only attached his sharp teeth to my neck. "O-ouch, Eddy, that hurts!"_

_His only reply was a sharp nip right behind my ear, his nails digging crescent-moons into my back. I cried out softly, and tried to push him away._

" _What, Double D? Don't you want me?"  
_

_His voice was harsh and deep, very unlike the Eddy I know but no long love. If possible, his nails dug in even deeper, defiantly lodged in my skin by now. I pushed on his shoulders harder, fear gripping my throat._

" _E-ddy!" I yelped, managing to push him back slightly, but not far enough to escape._

" _I thought you loved me."_

_Eddy finally pulled his upper body away from me, only to reveal something that only vaguely resembled my dear friend. A monster was in his place, with sharp feline-like teeth, dark grey skin and yellow eyes piercing through my own. Small, nub-like horns sprouted from his temples and his hands were replaced with talons of a hawk. My heart froze with fear and I desperately wanted to push him away forever._

_I screamed, the survival instinct finally kicking in, my legs thrashing about under Eddy. He laughed, running a sharp nail across my right cheek._

_I finally managed to make my arms work, punching demon-Eddy in his sharp nose. It screeched, holding its nose in agony and forgetting me for a moment. I fearfully wedged my legs out from under it in its moment of weakness, kicking it in the stomach and rolling quickly off the couch, away from the ugly monster._

Run, run, run! _My mind screamed. I clumsily got up from the floor, shakily running towards the long, dark hallway I had originally came from. The demon-Eddy screeched again, but pure terror kept my head from looking back._

_The hallway seemed to never end and I could feel the cold breath coming from the monster behind me. My legs were burning and I desperately wanted to crawl under my warm, soft blankets that covered by bed, but that seemed to be a far off hope. All those years of trying my best to avoid the terrors of physical education were catching up with me as my lungs began to burn with the desire to draw in more oxygen than my mouth could allow._

" _DON'T YOU RUN AWAY FROM ME, EDDWARD!" The demon screamed, his talons finally connecting with my shoulder. I let out a terrified shriek, flailing my arms as I tried to keep running. I managed to slam my elbow into the monster's face, tears flowing down my cheeks._

" _Ouch, Double Dee! Why did you do that?"_

_I turned around sharply, relief almost pouring over my shocked heart. "Ed! How did you get here? Where did Eddy go?"_

_Ed released my shoulder, but the pain was still there. "I made him go away, Double Dee. He was making you scared."_

_My legs nearly gave out from the happiness that Ed was there. My dream-self (and maybe a little bit of my real-self) loved the huge wings Ed was wearing over his old military jacket. "It suits you well."_

_Ed smiled, like he knew exactly what I was talking about. Angel-Ed reached out and grabbed my hand. The warmth of his body contrasted dramatically with the coldness I had felt with the demon-Eddy and caused goose bumps to appear on my arms and a smile to spread on my face, matching Ed's._

" _Are you ready to go, Double Dee?"_

_I nodded, holding Ed's hand as tight as I could, staring into his bright green eyes. Ed smiled even more, his teeth showing. He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead like it was the most natural thing to do._

_Warmth filled me, filling the entirety of the dark hallway. Everything seemed right and perfect and I wanted Ed to kiss me on the forehead again, if it meant I could get out of this scary place._

_Ed pulled away and looked at me straight in the eyes. His lips moved, but it was like my ears were suddenly filled with white noise and TV static, covering what Ed was trying so hard to tell me. He seemed to be waiting for a response, and when none came his face fell._

No Ed, _I thought,_ don't be sad. I just can't hear you.

_I tried to tell him this, but it was like my lips had been wired shut. Ed seemed to understand, his head nodding slowly and sadly. He opened his mouth again to speak, but the TV static just got louder and louder and I wanted to cover my ears but Ed was holding onto my hand so tight I couldn't break it free. I looked fearfully up at Ed, but he just smiled sadly again._

" _It's okay, Double Dee," Ed said softly through the TV static. "I know how you feel."_

**[][]**

My eyes quickly opened wide, staring straight up at my dark ceiling. The strong urge to roll over and grab my old, trusty beanie nearly made me cry, but my body was frozen. My wide, terror filled eyes were stuck staring at my ceiling.

If you have never experienced sleep-paralysis before, you're a lucky bastard. It's terrifying, makes my panic meter jump over the top and causes my feet to go numb after a while. Every time I woke suddenly from a nightmare, my muscles would be frozen to the spot with no indication with how long I would be gazing up at my gloomy ceiling. The soft sound of Ed breathing was off to my right, so at least there was some sort of comfort in this silent night.

Fragments of my nightmare replayed slow and fast in my mind's eye. Eddy clawing at me zoomed by, but Ed's TV static voice played at half a mile an hour and made my heart thump a little harder. What did it mean?

I knew what Eddy had symbolized in my dream – a warning to myself that if I ever regained my feelings for him, disaster would soon follow. Anyone, probably even Ed, could have figured that part out. But I didn't need to be told twice. Eddy, my dear friend, my first love, has lost that place in my heart.

But Ed? The angel metaphor most likely represented Ed being there for me during the healing process, but what about the TV static? He was trying to tell me something, and seemed to understand that I couldn't comprehend what it was, simply giving me a sad smile.

I wanted to scratch my head, but my arms were still frozen. Damn.

I laid there for a long while, feeling my muscles hesitantly relaxing under my almost-stifling blankets. My heart was pounding in my chest as my limbs were finally set free from their frozen shackles. I clumsily rolled over and grabbed my dear, old beanie from my nightstand, forcing it over my greasy, messy bed-hair. Next, I shakily fumbled around for my iTouch – the only Christmas gift I received from my parents two years ago – and shoved the ear buds into my ears, my fingers automatically playing my favourite song.

_And I had a dream, about my old school..._

Florence Welsh and her voice of steel helped calm my nerves on nights like these. Her songs, so full of emotion my nerdy face could never express, made me feel human and normal for once. Her music could just wash over me, capturing my soul in ways that I never knew could be captured. Florence Welsh made me feel like a different person, and I was quite alright with that.

Besides, waking up Ed just because of a petty nightmare seemed pretty rude, even though I know that he would crawl into my bed next to me and whisper "There there" until I fell asleep again, chasing away the dark dreams with his words of light.

_And I heard your voice, as clear as day..._

I sighed, burying myself under my warm winter comforter, doing my best to think of nothing at all. It was a far off hope, the return to nightmare-free sleep, but one could wish. And try as I might, one strange, beautiful thing kept reappearing in my minds-eye, etching a permanent place in the corner of my conscience.

Ed, and those beautiful angel wings.

**[][][][]**

**A/N:** Okay, okay, I know that it's mostly a filler chapter, but it just didn't seem right to tag the whole ending onto this, y'know? I hope the dream wasn't too confusing for you guys and I promise that Double Dee will get his happy ending, don't worry (:

Thank you all for sticking with this story and I'm sorry this update was so long overdue! (:

**with love, ~xxignoredxx**


	4. iv

_~Can't Forget The Curves Of Your Body~_

**[][][][]**

"Hey, Double Dee! Over here!"

I turned around and sighed, seeing my best friend standing up awkwardly at our now usual table and waving at me. Ed did this every single day, even though we sat together at the same table for the past three weeks. Sometimes, the antics of my lumpy friend makes me smile and sigh, wondering if he'll stay like this forever.

Briskly making my way over to Ed, I managed to avoid running into other classmates or dropping my lunch tray of god-knows-what. Ed grinned ear to ear as I sat down with a slight sigh, dropping my backpack to the right on the table. Sun filtered through the high-windows to our left, the snow finally gone along with my emotions for Eddy.

"So, Double Dee, today in gym…" Ed enthusiastically began telling one of his school tales, which I usually listened very hard to, but the focus wasn't on his voice today. Instead, my attention seemed to be drawn to the way Ed told his story; his hands flailing about in excitement, his eyes shining as if every part of his being was dependant on this one little tale. In between bites of gravy and mashed potatoes, Ed grinned like a child on Christmas morning, just after the presents had been opened and the grandparents were soon to arrive.

Ed let out a loud, rumbling laugh, breaking me from my thoughts. "And then – and then Rolf just danced around in his underwear, trying to catch Kevin!" I managed to let out a half real laugh, mainly because something that ridiculous actually did sound very funny.

"So Ed, tell me how the rest – "

A loud THUD stopped my voice, a heafty sigh causing me to get slightly irritated.

"Eddy," I started, as Eddy sat down gruffly next to Ed, his face in a scowl. "How kindly for you to interrupt me and Ed. Do I dare even ask what all the fuss is about?"

My short friend huffed, almost growled. "Nazz."

My insides unexpectedly went cold. My heart felt as if it had turned to ice, my blood rushing loudly through my ears and hard through my wrists. The muscles in my throat suddenly decided to close shut, almost making me vomit the food I had just swallowed. I suddenly had the urge to scream, to run, to cry, but none of those commands seemed to make it from my brain to my body; I was frozen.

The shapeless food on my tray suddenly became the most interesting thing in the world as I averted my gaze from Eddy. "Oh, this again? Did you catch her with Kevin finally?"

The ice couldn't be kept from my voice, but Eddy simply glared at me and shrugged it off. Was my hate for Nazz really that normal for him now? My chest clenched slightly.

"No, Eddward, she's not with Kevin, or in love with him for the last fucking time." Eddy huffed again, shifting in his seat. "Nazz told me she loves me."

His voice was nervous, which only made my chest clench harder. Ed didn't say a word, but I could feel his eyes flickering between Eddy and me. I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath.

"Are you in love with her too?" I didn't intend for my voice to come out as quiet as it did, and I was honestly surprised that Eddy even heard me. I heard him shuffling about again, but I just couldn't gather the courage to look up at my childhood friend, my past love, my heartbreaker.

"Yeah, I think so."

The silence was so strong I could almost feel the ice in the air between the three of us, even though I know that is physically impossible. My hands became sweaty, the back of my neck hot, my eyes feeling as if they were going to pop out at any given second. I couldn't find any civil words to say to Eddy, or to anyone at all at that moment.

To my surprise, Ed cleared his voice. I looked up at him, doing my best to keep my eyes from locking onto Eddy next to him. Ed glanced at my briefly, a look of pity and concern flashing on his usually kind face, before turning fully to Eddy. I refused to look at our shorter, dark haired friend, keeping my eyes glued to Ed's face.

My red-head friend managed to muster up a polite smile before saying to Eddy, "I'm happy for you both, Eddy."

And like a switch, like a car horn, like a lightning bolt on a summer night, anger filled my chest, my head, every part of my body and soul. My thoughts were all jumbled together, yet so very far apart from each other. I couldn't breathe, let alone look at Eddy smile at Ed, for his approval made up for my hatred of Nazz. But it wasn't even Nazz I hated.

I hated myself, and my emotions.

"Well," I said in a voice that was much too clear for how angry I felt inside. I managed to look steadily at Eddy, even though I wanted to throttle him. "I hope you both are very happy with each other. I bid adieu."

My shaky hands managed to grab my backpack, swinging it over my right shoulder while picking up the lunch tray, standing up quickly. I desperately wanted to run away from the both of them, but the pressure to look somewhat normal in front of a boy I could never have pressed hard on my muscles.

So, instead, I threw my entire lunch tray into the garbage bin and shoved people out of the way to try and get miles away from the broken shards of my heart.

I burst through the cafeteria doors, finally letting myself run through the mostly empty hallways, doing my best to fight the haze of anger settling into my brain. The front doors to the high school were so close, my adrenaline coursing harshly through my veins.

"DOUBLE DEE!"

I spun around haphazardly, nearly running my right shoulder into the row of lockers next to me. Ed was standing about ten feet away from me, panting harshly. His hair was mussed up, his messenger bag clumsily hanging from his shoulder. Ed's eyebrows were skewed up in confusion and worry, and for a moment I felt a pang of guilt for being so selfish. My friend kept his green eyes locked onto mine, running a hand roughly through his shaggy hair.

"What, Ed?" I didn't mean to say it so harshly, but the adrenaline seemed to force the words right out of my throat.

Ed didn't even flinch at my outburst. "Where are you going?" _Are you okay?_

I laughed a little bit, even though nothing about this was remotely funny and what I really wanted to do was cry. "Home, Ed. I'm skipping school and going home."

A surprised and slightly scared look took over Ed's face and he hurried closer to me. "But, Double Dee, it's only gravy-time. You can't go home yet."

"Watch me," I almost bit out, putting more venom into my words than Ed really deserved. I turned around briskly; walking confidently to the front entrance of this place they call school. My hands clutched the cold bar of the door, before I looked over my shoulder at Ed.

"Well?" I said, matter-of-factly. "Are you coming?"

Ed nodded and began to follow, his face still clouded with worry. I nodded, letting out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding.

We shoved open the old doors of the high school, the crisp, early spring air doing nothing to soothe the hot anger settled in my neck.

[][][][]

The walk back to my house took much longer than it usually does, mainly due to my bouts of panicky, nervous hyperventilating, causing me to play with the edges of my hat and remind myself that going back to school was not the ideal choice at the moment.

Ed, bless his giant heart, would simply stand there, penitently waiting for me to finish twitching about. Not once did he try to touch my shoulder or hug me. A small part of me sort of wish he had.

We eventually made it to my house. The adrenaline of the realization that _I_ , Eddward, had actually skipped a school day settled into my nerves, making me feel like a rebel for once in my short life. It almost felt like flying, this new sense of rebellion; yet the anger at myself kept one toe firmly on the ground.

Shoes and coats were thrown off carelessly, hastily making our way to my bedroom. For my 13th birthday, Ed looked all over Peach Creek and the two towns surrounding it, just to find me an old, beat up, barely working Nintendo Entertainment System. Along with the consol, Ed managed to convince his parents to buy three games online to go with it; Super Mario Bros. 3, Ninja Gaiden and Legend of Zelda. To be honest, only the Zelda game interested me, and I managed to finish that game in about a week. The puzzles were so easy, unlike the other two games, which required skills and quick reflexes. It's a shame I have neither.

But, every so often, on a lazy day or when I was stressed about something simple calculus couldn't help be forget about, I would plug the good old Nintendo system into my old TV on my dresser. Ed would usually play the hardly working, temperamental games with me, yet we never seemed to finish them.

I pressed the power button on my TV forcefully, shoving in Ninja Gaiden. A frustrating day can only be fixed with an equally frustrating game. Ed sat down next to me on my bed, quietly watching me smash the buttons on the controller.

A couple of hours later, I couldn't even get past the third level. It was like all the frustration and unknown pent up anger kept making my fingers slip from the little red buttons. Each time I messed up, Ed would flinch slightly and I would just barely whisper a curse word under my breath.

Finally, an enemy ninja had thrown a knife in my face for the last time.

" _Damn it!_ Ugh!" Swiftly, I chucked the small, rectangular controller at my TV, feeling only slightly satisfied at the small _tink!_ when it hit. I buried my eyes firmly into my hands; the sudden feeling of wanted to run a mile, sleep for forty hours or cry while watching _Titanic_ took over me. Why, why was I feeling this way? Wasn't I fine? Didn't I listen to the message so clearly spelled out for me in my dream? Weren't my feelings for Eddy –

Eddy.

"Ed," I said suddenly, forcing myself out of that destructive train of thought. "Let's go to the gas station." I stood up quickly, turning off my faithful Nintendo system with a little more force than I should have. Ed nodded, his head going up and down so fast it almost made me a little dizzy.

The walk to the gas station was short and quiet, and by this time in the day, the sun was just beginning to set. It's amazing, really, that Ed and I basically just spent at least five hours playing a video game that we didn't even half beat.

Occasionally, Ed would glance at me, bite his lip, and then disregard whatever he was trying to say. Guilt began to edge at my chest. Ed didn't have to skip school with me, yet he did anyway. Even though Ed hadn't said a word since we left school during lunch, the fact that my big, lovable, faithful friend was with me was enough to take the edge of frustration away.

We bought energy drinks – a RedBull for me, and a Monster for Ed, for I never really enjoyed the sugary taste that eventually gave me a stomach ache – then left quickly for the junkyard, our long forgotten childhood hangout. We managed to climb on top of the old, disgusting van that was starting to rust so bad we could no longer open any of the doors.

Silence stretched between us as we sat and drank our drinks. The sun was just about to set, the sky set ablaze with gold, pink and purple. How long had it been since we came here? How long had Eddy been confidently trying to get Nazz to date him?

There's the answer.

I took a big swing of my drink, trying to let the bitter taste of RedBull rid my thoughts. Thoughts of what? Oh yes, Eddy. Eddy, Eddy, Eddy, all I ever thought about was Eddy. And Nazz, oh poor Nazz. What did Eddy see in her? In fact, what did Kevin see in her? True, I was attracted to her in my youth, but past her blonde hair and her pretty eyes and her stupid red lips, what was there? What does Kevin see in her?

"What does Eddy see in her?"

Ed looked at me, slight surprise on his face. I continued to stare blankly at the setting sun, only glancing at Ed periodically out of the corner of my eye to my right. Ed took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but then crinkled his eyebrows and tightly shut his mouth again.

For some obscure reason, this fueled the fire in my chest. I turned my head sharply towards Ed, staring at him dead in the eyes. My friend looked slightly scared, and a bit worried, but his gaze never left mine.

" _What does Eddy see in her?_ " I repeated, a little louder than the first time. The prickling of tears started to form behind my eyes, my throat closing a little bit. I blinked a couple of times, doing my best to ignore it. Too many tears had been shed for my dearest Eddy, too many nights spent awake, wondering what I could do different, how to forget him, how to move on, how to _live_ for once.

"Why did I fall in love with Eddy?"

The tears finally broke free, but instead of endless sadness I expected to feel, anger filled me up instead. I scrubbed at my face hard with my left hand, the RedBull still in my other hand. The harsh wool of my sweater stung, but it just wasn't enough. I scrubbed harder and harder, but nothing seemed to calm the raging beast I had awakened.

Never before had Ed or I said out loud the feelings I held for Eddy. It was always implied, always known, so why even bother to say it? But, now that the words had slipped from my lips, now that the truth was floating about in the air, it was all much too real. The false sense of being completely over Eddy was a rue set up by none other than myself.

Frustrated, I chugged the rest of my bitter drink, swallowing it all in greedy gulps. When finally finished, I stood, the ceiling of the old, beaten up van relaxing slightly under my weight. With all of my strength (which, to be honest, wasn't much at all), I threw the RedBull can as far as I could. It only went about 20 feet and did absolutely nothing to still the anger inside of me.

I looked back down at Ed, who now had a look of terror on his face.

"Am I not good enough, Ed?"

More tears broke through, and no amount of scrubbing with my wool sweater could stop it. I was so tired of crying over Eddy, crying over the love I could never have, but always dream about, so tired of crying over the simple things I wasn't allowed to have. A simple thing like love.

I felt a pull at the bottom of my sweater. Slowly, I stopped rubbing my face and looked down, only to see Ed's hand gripping the edge of my jumper. My eyes followed Ed's arm, eventually following the invisible line to my dear friend's face. Ed looked so … sad, like he was just told that the kitten he had tried so hard to save had just died. Yet, his eyes were once again firmly planted on mine, acting like an anchor to pull me out of my emotions.

Ed managed to smile a little, pulling at my sweater playfully. "You're better than you'll ever know, Double Dee."

I stared at Ed for a little while, before reaching down and grabbing his hand. He let out a small noise of surprise, blinking rapidly, but Ed still kept his eyes on mine. I squeezed his hand in what I hope was a reassuring gesture, the tears finally ceasing to fall.

"Thank you, Ed." I whispered, smiling slightly. Ed just nodded his head, still blinking.

I collapsed back into a sitting position on the van, still holding Ed's hand tightly in mine. I let my gaze go back to the almost fully set sun, letting my heart finally be still and content.

Ed's eyes stayed on my face.

**[][][][]**

Oh wow! I really hope this makes up for my absence. The next chapter, things will finally start happening between our lovable couple (:

Again, I am really sorry for the really late update. You guys should bug me more when I do shit like this D:

I hope you all enjoyed and will stay with this fic, cause I have really good ideas for it.

**With much love and hugs, xxignoredxx**


	5. v

**A/N:** My, it has been a long time, hasn't it?

Well, my lovlies, this story is almost over. Honestly, I was only gonna make it 3 chapters long, but then it just turned into this and that's how things go. I just wanna say thank you to everyone who has stayed with this story from the beginning. And to those who just joined, welcome! This couple really doesn't get the love I think it deserves.

This chapter just focuses more on the healing process, because I think Double D really needs his heart to start healing soon. Sorry for the bipolar-ness of this story; it's sort of been my outlet for things going on in real life, and that's just making things hard.

_~The One That Got Away~_

**[][][][]**

It wasn't like one day I happened to look over at Eddy and _bam!_ I was in love with him. It was the little things, the way he looked at me, the way he had changed so much since the Big Scam. Eddy was a whole new person, yet he managed to stay the same. It confused me, intrigued me, drew me to him.

There was one instant early in our Freshman year, where Eddy and I sat alone at the lunch table, for Ed had an appointment with the counselor because of his failing grades. Anyway, it was a rare time for me and Eddy to be just the two of us, and we were just sitting there quietly, my shorter friend on my left, with my beat up MP3-player between us.

And, even though it really wasn't anything special, it was the first time I realized that Eddy held a bigger portion of my heart than anyone else I knew did. It was perfect, just sitting there with my best friend, soft music playing in the shared headphones, neither of us saying anything and not feeling the need to do so. It was the most comfortable I had felt in a very long time.

For a while, I didn't quite understand what my feelings for Eddy were. Sure, I knew that I was drawn to him in a way different than I was to Ed, but the concrete feelings of attraction didn't hit me until the Homecoming dance, when our short friend told us that he had asked Nazz to the dance; she had said yes.

The jealously I had felt at that moment soon clarified those growing feelings of attraction towards Eddy. I only sank lower into my feelings of despair as Eddy began to date Nazz. His constant ramblings about her irked me, and I soon could not handle it at all, avoiding Eddy and Nazz as much as humanly possible.

Alas, my troublesome emotions kept getting in the way. Every time I would see Eddy in the hallway with Nazz at school, my heart would break a little more. Each time my love would even utter a word about his own love, it took everything in my power to not roll my eyes and scoff. All these conflicting feelings of love, jealousy, and anger began to build up, and eventually it got to the point to where I couldn't even be around my dear Eddy without wanting to burst into child-like tears.

Which leads up to where I am right now, sitting on top of a rusting van in a junkyard with Ed, watching the sun finally drop below the treeline, awkwardly yet not-so-awkwardly holding hands. The Redbull I had drank about an hour ago was beginning to wear off, making my arms and thighs feel heavy and thick. A yawn escaped my lips, my eyes watering slightly. My dear friend to my right cleared his throat. I turned my head slightly in his direction, listening.

"Double Dee," Ed began, his voice seemed loud and hoarse after not using it for such a large portion of the day. "Are you ready to go home?"

I sighed, nodding my head slowly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ed smile slightly, but it seemed like a smile out of sadness. I squeezed Ed's hand slightly before gently taking my hand from his.

Our hands were shaking.

**[][]**

"Double Dee," Ed said softly. I looked over my shoulder at Ed, curiosity piqued. My friend stood behind on my small porch outside the front door to my house, his eyebrows turned up in worry. Ed's hands were shoved deep into his army jacket's pockets, per customary to what he did when he was nervous. Ed's shoulder bag was carelessly thrown over his right shoulder, and his hair was messy from the slight early spring wind.

"Yes, Ed?" I asked, my voice feeling much louder and rougher than it really was.

"Will you be okay?"

I looked at Ed for a long moment, turning his question around in my head a few times. _Will_ I be okay? It felt like my red-haired friend asked me this question a lot, but this was the first time I actually thought about it before hurriedly replying ' _yes yes, of course Ed'._

Clearing my throat, I did my best to smile at Ed without it looking like a grimace. He looked so worried, so confused, so lost; like that poor kitten he saved a few years back. _Oh Ed,_ I thought, keeping my eyes locked onto his bright green ones. _You do so much for me._

"Yes, Ed," I said, fully turning around to look at Ed properly, a real, small smile finally replacing the fake one. "I think I'll be okay."

My friend smiled briefly, worry still clinging to the edges of his expression before I shooed him home. It was well past dark and his parents must be absolutely livid that he hasn't come home yet.

With a final wave, Ed turned and started the short walk to his house. I sighed, finally letting myself into my empty, chilly house. Though it was late and I haven't even thought about touching my homework, I found myself doing nothing but sitting on my living room couch, watching mindless TV as the hour ticked by slowly.

It was getting late, close to 9-o-clock-pm, but it seemed like too much effort to simply get up off my couch and make it to my bedroom. I sighed, taking off my hat and running my hand through my slightly greasy hair.

_Will you be okay?_

Well, yes, I would eventually be okay one day, but that day seemed so far out of reach. Every time I thought I was finally getting over Eddy; every time I thought my heart was finally healed; every time it felt like I could smile at Ed for real, I just went back to square one. My heart had turned into a masochist while my brain did everything it could to keep me somewhat sane, all the while my soul didn't know or care which side eventually won.

The loud chime of my doorbell startled me out of my thoughts, nearly causing me to throw the TV remote across the room. I glanced at the clock hanging about the TV. _Just past nine-pm,_ I thought. _Who could that be? It must be Ed, did he forget something in my room?_

I got up slowly from my couch, the doorbell ringing again. _You don't have to be so impaitent Ed, you could always get it tomorrow._

I unlocked my front door quickly, rolling my eyes. "You know, Ed, your parents - "

"Hey, Edd."

My whole body froze, my eyes a fraction wider than they should be, and my head feeling very naked and self-conscious without my trusty hat. Instead of my big, lovable friend standing in my doorway, it was Eddy. A small, childish part of me had hoped Eddy would just brush off what happened at lunch today, like he usually did when I had an outburst about Nazz, but we're not children anymore and there's no way he could let go something so dramatic.

"Eddy," I managed to say, my words sounding breathy to my own ears. "Why – what are you doing here so late?"

My shorter friend stood there, a nervous smile playing at the edges of his lips. His hands were shoved into his trusty yellow jacket in a way that reminded me of Ed. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Eddy brushed past me, stepping into my house. With shaky hands, I managed to get the front door shut.

_Okay, Eddward, you and Eddy are totally alone for the first time in months, and even though this is what you have been secretly dreaming of for a long time, nothing can happen so just keep your head clear and your hands clean, okay?_

I followed Eddy as he made his way to my living room, throwing himself on my couch in the exact spot I had just been sitting in. My heart thudded in my throat a little as I sat on my coffee table, facing Eddy.

"So," Eddy said casually as he picked up the remote and turned off the TV, looking me square in the eyes. "What happened at lunch today? In fact," Eddy paused, a look of concern making its way to his features. Eddy sat up straight, resting his elbows on his knees, still looking straight at me. "What's been going on with you lately? You're always so mad at me, and Ed won't tell me what I did. So, Double D, what did I do? 'Cause whatever I did to you, I'm really sorry, man."

An apologetic look came over Eddy's face and I felt terrible. Of course it's not his fault for falling in love with Nazz. It's not his fault I fell head-over-heels in love with him, and it's certainly not his fault that I can't seem to get over him, no matter how hard I try. From an outsiders point of view, I probably looked like a terrible friend for treating Eddy and Nazz in such a horrid way.

"Eddy," I said quietly, nervously playing with the edge of my sweater. "You have done nothing wrong."

My dark haired friend let out an annoyed snort. I averted my gaze, looking at the carpet at his feet. _Dammit, Eddward, you always say the wrong thing at the right time._

"Double D, if I did nothing wrong, then why do you treat me and Nazz like shit?"

I flinched, praying to whatever god was listening to my unimportant problems that Eddy would just get frustrated and leave.

"Eddy," I tried again. "Honestly, neither you or Nazz have done anything wrong to me. It's just - " I sighed, running my hand through my hair, bringing my gaze back up to Eddy. "I was scared of losing you. You and Ed are all I have, and I just can't afford to lose either of you. So... I know I've been a real big jerk to you lately, Eddy, and I don't know if an apology will mean anything to you, but," I paused, tugging at my hair a little harder than necessary. "I'm sorry, Eddy."

There was a long pause where Eddy and I just looked at each other, either not really sure what to say or too scared to say it. Even though I didn't tell Eddy the whole truth, I felt like this was as close to saying 'I love you' as I will ever get. Having him understand that he's important to me is better than letting Eddy go on thinking he had done something wrong. That's the last thing I want.

"Man, Double D, you had me thinking I did something really horrible to ya!" Eddy ran a hand over his face, but his smiling eyes peaked through his fingers. My friend stood, now seeming to tower over me as he stood in front of me. Eddy just smiled, placing one hand on my left shoulder, shaking his head.

"You know I'm never gonna leave ya, right Double D? You and Ed are my buds, my guys. I may love Nazz, but I love you guys too, alright?"

All I could do was nod, suddenly feeling so stupid for the way I had been treating Eddy and Nazz. Eddy seemed to accept my nod, and he smiled even bigger. My heart strings tugged slightly, but not agonizingly so as it did in the past.

Eddy nodded again, taking his hand off my shoulder. "Am I allowed to sit with you guys at lunch now?"

I laughed, suddenly feeling the urge to cry. Instead, I stood and wrapped my arms around Eddy, fighting the urge to let those stubborn tears fall. The former scam-artist was taken aback slightly, but he managed to wrap one arm around me in return. Which, in all honesty, was way more than what I could have ever asked for.

Eventually, Eddy pulled away from me, smiling still and looking me in the eye. "We good, Double D?"

I nodded. "Yes, Eddy, I think we are perfectly fine."

Another quick hug and I sent Eddy back to his house ("Be sure to get lots of sleep tonight, Eddy, we have that test in Pre-Calc tomorrow." "Yeah, yeah, who are you, my mother?"). Really, with both of my friends out this late on a school night, it will be a miracle if I can see either one of them outside of school for the next month or so.

With a wave, Eddy was gone. I tided up the living room and finally made it to my bedroom. What felt like forever and a day, I was finally ready to lay down in my bed, when I noticed I had a text on my beat up second-hand phone. Curious, I opened it and couldn't stop smiling from the moment I read it, to the moment I finally closed my eyes to welcome sleep, the text being the last thing I saw.

_Goodnight Double Dee. Don't forget to smile for me. - Ed_

**[][][][]**

OH MY GOD.

Okay, I know that the end must be sort of rushed, but I really wanted to get this chapter finally done with!

Also, I have an ao3 account! It's under the same name (xxignoredxx), and nothing is really posted on there yet, but if you want to start following me on there too, you are welcome too!

Thank you guys again for sticking with this story, it really means a lot to me 3

**with love, xxignoredxx**


	6. vi

**A/N:** Wow, this has been way too long. It has been just over a year since I first posted this story, and what a year it has been. Originally, I wrote this story to help me get over the fact that my ex-best friend was dating my ex-boyfriend. Now, we both hate my ex and are friends again.

Though this story isn't the best I've ever written, it certainly means the most to me. It helped me through a hard time, and I think I've become a better writer because of it.

Thank you everyone for reading this, especially those who stuck with it. It means a lot that we went on this year-long journey together. I love all of you, I really do.

_~What The Hell, Just Shake It Off~_

**[][][][]**

After the talk with Eddy, things were much smoother between the three of us. Sure, Eddy still ate lunch with Nazz and her friends, but I could actually wave at him in the hallway without wanting to kill myself afterwards. Eddy seemed relieved that we were all friends again, and to be honest, so was I.

I know I realty should have, but I never told Ed exactly what Eddy and I talked about that night. ("But what happened, Double Dee?" "Nothing Ed. We just talked. Everything is fine now, don't worry so much. Do your homework.") I know it made Ed confused, but he seemed happy that I was talking to Eddy again, so he didn't ask many questions.

Sighing, I did my best to push myself through the hoards of people fighting their own way to the cafiteria. Usually Ed walked with me so that I wouldn't feel to overwhelmed, but he had dashed off somewhere right after Chemistry without saying a word. Oh well, I can fight my way through the thicket without guidance, just this once.

Eventually, I made my way through the food-line and sat at our usual table. I took my old copy of _Picture Of Dorian Grey_ out of my backpack and began reading while munching on my pizza. _Strange that Ed isn't here yet. It is gravy day after all._

"Hey Double D, what's shakin'?"

Looking up from my book, I was startled to see Eddy standing there. He wasn't alone though – Ed and Nazz were with him. The blonde girl was being her usual self (on her phone, most likely texting Kevin), but Ed looked so uncomfortable, I almost felt bad for him.

Looking back at Eddy, I smiled. "Hello, Eddy. Would you like to sit with me?"

The look on Ed's face could only be described as 'dear-lord-what-the-f-are-you-thinking?', but Eddy took no notice as he and Nazz sat across from me. I smiled at Ed, who cautiously sat next to me on my left.

_He's still worried about you._

Clearing my throat, I smiled at Nazz. "So, Nazz, how are your classes treating you?"

Eddy and Ed both looked sutprised. I didn't think I had said a single word to her all year, considering I hated her and all that. Nazz looked up at me from her phone, confused. She glanced at Eddy before replying, "Fine...?"

I nodded and kept smiling. I wanted to try and show her I was being friendly. "Pardon me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe I ever asked you what classes you were taking this year. Would you mind telling me about them?"

Ed's puzzled gaze was burning on my neck. True, there was no real reason for me to be nice to Nazz, but if I were to truly move on from my infatuation with Eddy, I had to make amends with his girlfriend. She hadn't really done anything wrong, to be honest.

Gradually, Nazz began to tell me more and more about her classes, slowly relaxing ("Oh, you just wouldn't believe my math teacher. He's such a dick, and he lets Marie cheat on all the tests."). By the time lunch was almost over, we were all laughing at the stories she was telling – except for Ed. He was so focused on his mashed potatoes and gravy, he almost didn't realize when the bell rang. I waved Eddy and Nazz goodbye before turning to Ed.

"Ed, will you please tell me why you didn't say a single word?"

My best friend looked over at me with an expression I couldn't quite place. "I tried to tell them not to sit with us."

I sighed, grabbing my bag and standing up. "It's alright, Ed; I'm trying to be nice to them. Turning over a new leaf and such."

Ed stood up and dumped his entire lunch tray into the garbage bin a couple feet away from me. He turned to me, chewing at his bottom lip. It looked like he wanted to say so much, but all that came out was, "So, you're really over him then?"

"Yes, I am," I replied with certainty.

**[][]**

_12:58pm: Ed, I'm going to stay after school to do homework in the library. Head home without me._

_1:34pm: DD, you sure? I can wait._

_1:52pm: Yes Ed, I'm sure. Don't text during class._

**[][]**

I walked through the empty hallways, my heavy backpack slung on one shoulder. I ended up staying in the school library until it closed (which was only 4pm), not really wanting to go home yet. The way Ed had acting at lunch troubled me, so I did my best to divert my attention to my school work. I ended up getting all my homework done and read over half of Dorian Grey – all to distract myself from the memory of how troubled Ed looked.

Sighing for what felt like the thousandth time that day, I stopped by my locker to drop off my textbooks, No need dragging them home when I didn't need them. Scoliosis, I outsmarted you for another day.

Slamming my locker shut and swinging a much lighter backpack over my shoulders, I was feeling much better. Whatever was wrong with Ed, he would either tell me about it or get over it on his own. As long as he ended up alright, everything was fine.

Pushing the heavy metal doors of the front of the school, I stopped to admire the sky. The sun was half-way set, painting the normally blue sky a deep orange with purple at the horizon. Ah, Spring sunsets – they are more beautiful than people give them credit for. This particular one was stunning. Orange was always one of my preferred colours, especially since it seemed that not many people appreciated it. It also reminded me of Ed's hair.

Smiling, I adjusted my backpack again before looking away from the brilliant sky and began walking home. Only, when I glanced at the bike rack a few yards away from the school's door, I stopped in surprise.

"Ed?" I called. "What are you doing here?"

Ed looked up from where he was leaning against the bike rack. He had his iPhone in his hand (he had probably been playing that Nyan-Cat game he was so crazy about); Ed's backpack was slouched at his feet; his lovable army jacket was falling off one shoulder ( _how aren't you cold?_ ). But it was not these small details that kept my eyes on Ed – no, it was his hair. Now, Ed's hair is naturally ginger to begin with, but the light from the setting sun only brought it out more against his deep green coat. I couldn't stop staring, and I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to run my hands through his shaggy locks. I had the feeling it would smell like gravy and dirty socks.

"I was waiting for you," Ed said, causing me to look at his face instead of his bright orange hair. My friends green eyes reflected orange from the sunset, and I just couldn't stop staring. I was speechless; time felt as if it had stood still, and I was secretly wishing Ed and I could be trapped in this sunset forever. "Sorry I was mad at you."

Time started to move again. "What? Excuse me, Ed, but I didn't know you were cross with me."

Ed shifted, putting his phone in his pocket. He smiled at me sheepishly; my heart stuttered. "Yeah, I was mad at you for being to nice to Nazz. She was sorta the reason Eddy hurt your heart."

Then it hit me: Ed was protecting me. He always was. He wanted me to be happy and complete – the same way I had come to feel about Eddy, only it was a little different. For once, I felt a bit foolish it had taken me so long to discover where my feelings should have been all along. I had wasted so much time fawning over Eddy, but now that it was over and done with, I could finally see clearly.

"Oh Ed, you don't have to worry any more," I said softly, leaning against the metal bike rack closer to my best friend than I normally did. Surprisingly, Ed casually slung his right arm around my shoulders, encasing me in his warm jacket. My heart thumped in my ears and I could feel my cheeks burn.

"Good thing Eddy's out of the picture – I think someone else is ogling at you, Double Dee," Ed said as he looked at me sideways, a huge goofy smile on his lips. Even though is voice and actions were confidant, I could see a hint of nervousness in his eyes. My palms were sweaty.

"W-well," I stuttered, averting my gaze and awkwardly reaching up to cover Ed's hand on my shoulder with my own. "It's a good thing I may be looking back at them, yes?"

Ed hugged me tighter as his lips came into contact with my left temple, almost knocking my beloved hat off my head. All I could do was laugh.

**[][]END[][]**

Wow. Again, thank you all for staying with this story. I love all of you so much, and I hope this was an okay ending. There will be no epilogue to this fic, but I may write more Ed/Edd stories in the future.

I love all of you so, so much. Sorry that the end was kinda short, but I really wanted to finish this story.

Thanks again, FlyingPigMonkey. You are awesome.

**With love, xxignoredxx**


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